responding to a guy who’s ghosted you

Look details:   Boden top   |   Kut from the Cloth jeans   |   Saks off Fifth pumps   |   Tory Burch bag   |   Kate Spade accessories   |

Photo Credit @ Lauren Denise Photography

Ladies, who here has ever been ghosted by a guy? ME! This girl. 😏🤨😬 In reality, I have probably been ghosted by the opposite sex on multiple occasions. However, the concept of “ghosting” was not really used when I was younger and dating. Also, in my younger years, I wouldn’t have had the courage (or wisdom) to do anything about being ghosted. Fast forward years later, I am older, wiser, and bolder. So, how do I respond to being ghosted by the opposite sex at the current stage in my life? Well, let me share a recent story of my dating life.

A while back I met a guy. Immediately, there was mutual interest. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to explore the potential possibilities of this new interest further. My first impressions where: he was easy on the eyes, charming, fun to talk to, and my goodness did he make me laugh! My cheeks were flush and I had giddy butterflies. Yet, at the same time, the wiser (closer to 30 years old) me thought “this guy did not get this charming without practice.” So, the giddy side of my brain was not totally ignoring the rational side of my brain. But, first impressions didn’t send off any huge red flags. After meeting, he messaged a text with that had the perfect combo of flirty wit in it the next morning. I was still interested, he was holding my attention and curiosity.

However, the conversation quickly faded to nothing. I was soon in total ghost territory. The giddy side of my brain was disappointed. The rational side of my brain expected something like this to happen with “Mr. Charming.” I’m not the kind of female who’s going to become a train wreck in this kind of scenario. But, I am going to become annoyed. And I was, annoyed. I was annoyed for a few reasons.

The first reason for my annoyance: I don’t like excuses. I could foresee this guy making some form of BS excuse about how busy his life is, and how his busy life would be the excuse for him to ghost me. This excuse is beyond annoying to me. Everyone is busy this day and age. I am a single mother who works more than full time. My schedule is full to the point where I feel lucky to shower most days. People have full lives. But, being busy is not an excuse, it’s BS. If someone wants to talk to another person, see another person, be with another person, or what have you…..they make it happen. End of story.

The second reason for my annoyance: I don’t like cowardly behavior. A guy ghosting a girl is cowardly behavior. No person likes any form of rejection. But, I respect the hell out of any man who has the balls to respectfully deliver an honest message of truth to me. To me, that is a difference between a guy and a man. A guy will ghost you. A man will respect you and be honest with you about his intentions. I would take a situation where a man is straight with me any day of the week over a guy who is too cowardly to send a simple text message conveying his intent to seek something else.

So I am ghosted, and annoyed. What’s next? How do I respond? Initially, I do nothing. I say nothing. I don’t text him. I don’t call him. I was not about to become the desperate female who blew up this guy’s phone with calls and texts that received no reply. So, I went silent. I was going to brush it off, simply chalk it up as a loss, and move on. But, sure enough, over the next few weeks, I began to see activity on this guy’s social media. Activity of him traveling (for fun), going out, partying, etc. I was back to being annoyed. If a person had time to party, they had time to send a short text message. His cowardly behavior was not okay. It’s not okay to ghost any girl. And, if I had to wager, I’d bet he hadn’t been called out on this BS behavior before. Furthermore, if he had been called out, I’d further bet it hadn’t been done in a way he had received the message in any way, shape, or form. I wanted this guy to know I have standards, even if he’s unable to live up to those standards at this time. I wanted him to know, a girl deserves to be treated better than this.

Every piece of advice, literature, and experience I had told me to let it go. But, when I get annoyed and stuck on a point, I can very rarely just “let it go.” #sorrybutnotsorry. At this point I had decided I was going to say something, I just needed to figure out what to say and how to say it. I wanted this message to be heard. Even if I would never receive a reply, I wanted this message to resonate in a way he would hear it. So, I decided my message needed to include the following components:

light humor and wit   |   More often than not, a guy isn’t going to be receptive to a message where he feels attacked, criticized, or nagged. So, I wanted to approach the situation with light humor. Being light and witty is another way is another way to increase the odds of the person being receptive to what you have to say.

set a standard   |   I wanted to convey a message that would tell him, I am not okay being treated a certain way.

label the behavior  |   I wanted to verbally label exactly what he did that I did not like, and use the word more than once in an effort to be extra clear.

keep the message brief  |   Realistically, a guy is more inclined to actually read a short message than get lost in the female novel of word vomit inclined to come out of my mouth.

avoid being a b*&$@   |   If I acted outed on my annoyance by calling names, using bad language, or being smug, it would only give this guy a bigger excuse to validate his cowardly behavior. “See this chick is crazy, I was totally right to avoid her!” I wasn’t going to give any dignity away to this guy by acting poorly myself.

Let me be very clear, to those of you ladies thinking of responding in a similar situation, before sending this message…..I was 100% okay with never receiving a reply from this guy. So, if you are thinking of sending a message, and expecting a guy to reply to you when he hasn’t in weeks, I would advise you not to hold your breath. Since I was okay with not receiving a reply, I proceeded forward. I came up with this message:

“Hey, it was fun meeting you. Too bad we haven’t gotten to know each other more, ghosting me isn’t cool. Hopefully, ya won’t ghost the next girl you [insert funny inside joke here] ;)”

Additionally, I sent a GIF of a funny ghost to follow the text. It was light, humorous, witty, short, sent a clear message of what I did not like, showed a standard, and I did not act poorly myself. You’ll never guess what happened next. HE REPLIED. I was shocked, and yet, still annoyed. The guy who hadn’t picked up his phone in weeks suddenly had semi-speedy fingers. Even more shocking yet [insert completely sarcastic voice tone here], he replied with a BS excuse about how busy he had been with work. So predictable. I want to make it clear, I do believe he has been busy with work. I know where he works, I understand it is a busy time of year. But, I still don’t consider being busy a legitimate excuse for ghosting a girl. He ended the text saying I shouldn’t feel it was my fault in any way. WELL DUH. I was not about to validate he predictable excuse. Or, buy into his BS by letting him off the hook with some kind of, “Oh it’s okay, I totally understand….blah blah blah” reply back. A part of me didn’t want to reply at all. But, since I just called him out for ghosting (aka not replying) to me, I wasn’t going to make myself any kind of hypocrite and not reply myself. So this is what I said back to him:

“Oh I don’t, Casper [insert ghost emoji to reference Casper the movie] ;)! Have a great night!”

Sure enough, he replied AGAIN! At this point, I did not reply again. I ended the conversation in my last reply. There was no need to continue on further. I had made my point. He actually was receptive to my message and heard what I had to say. In that sense, I felt like I was to a point where I could actually “let it go” now. My take away from responding to being ghosted by a guy, I felt better standing up for myself. I felt proud of myself for having the courage to do so. And, if and when, I get ghosted again, I hope I will have the courage to stand up for myself then too.

xoxo, alli

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *